Sunday, January 17, 2016

Review: PANIC AT THE DISCO - DEATH OF A BACHELOR

Panic At The Disco are a band from somewhere that's been around for quite a while now. Their singer, Brendon Urie, does a lot of the things himself, I think. Not sure. Now then, before I actually listen to this, I feel I should point something out that actually doesn't piss me off: the length. This album has only 11 songs, and is only 36 minutes long. This means that, while this album will probably overstay its welcome, it won't make me want to break my computer. So, I have it up on Spotify, and I'm going to go and put it on. See you in about 36 minutes.

I'm back. Some of my initial statements turned out to be wrong, but that's not important at the moment. What is important is the question of "Is this album good?" And it isn't. It really isn't. I cannot stress that enough. From my point of view, this album has zero redeeming qualities. This album isn't even 40 minutes long and it was getting boring after two. The lyrics are all about getting drunk at parties, too many of the songs are in the key of G# minor, and the only song that doesn't sound like it's filler is the first track. But enough about the album. Let's talk about the fucking songs.

"Victorious" is the only song on here that sounds like it could be a hit, although it's a real shit heap so it wouldn't be a very good hit. "Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time" is equally boring. "Hallelujah" is also really boring, which means that once again there's not much to talk about. "Emperor's New Clothes" sounds like it's trying to be Queen, but it fails so spectacularly that it makes me want to curl up into a ball and wish Freddie were still here, which would be really weird since I don't really enjoy Queen that much either. "Death Of A Bachelor" is up next, and it's god awful. Every song up to this point has been the same old sort of pumping pop song that you hear in car commercials. This is different. This sounds like a terrible soul track you hear in jewelry adverts or something, I'm not sure. "Crazy=Genius" is probably the worst song on here, specifically because it sounds like it's trying to be a Disney villain theme, but it's not from one of the heavily promoted high-merch movies, it's from Brother Bear 4 or some other direct-to-DVD shite. "L.A. Devotee" also sounds evil, but worse. It makes me want to avoid Los Angeles. "Golden Days" is another really terrible song, but it's more agonizing than most of the others because it's four minutes long, making it the longest song on the album. "The Good, The Bad, And The Dirty" was so uninteresting I couldn't think of anything else to say about it. "House Of Memories" has a shift about two minutes in, but instead of being something really cool, it's the same old pop shit. The album closes with "Impossible Year", a crooner-style tune that reeks of tryharding. Brendon sings too much about getting shitfaced about awful house parties to be taken seriously as a crooner, no matter how he dresses or styles his hair.

So there you go. This album was a difficult listen. The only redeeming quality it has is that, as bad as it is, it's not a terribly long pop album. For that one reason, I can safely rate this album
0.5/10
I hope I never listen to an album this bad ever again.



My full notes can be found here.

1 comment:

  1. I wonder if the artists that made the reviewed piece will recognize, and therefore become aware, of their mistakes?

    ReplyDelete